Jakkal (jakkal) wrote,

Welcome to another edition of "Don't Do This."

Yeah, emails and private messages should be private, right? Yes, I do believe this in most cases, I actually feel bad about posting what I'm about to post. This person wasn't mean, they obviously didn't intend anything in malice towards me. What did they do wrong? Massive ego coupled with trying to take advantage of me as an artist.

My comments will be in Bold.

Hello there! I hope this message finds you well.

I'm cringing already.

My name is D'anna, and I have a proposal for you.

A proposal you say? Everytime I see "proposal" from someone on the internet it means "Benefits me 100%, benefits you not at all".

You see, for several years now I have been roleplaying the character D'anna, an archmage of the various virtual worlds online.

Hey that's cool, if you want to come to Kaerwyn and RP with us... oh wait, you wouldn't be writing this crap if you just wanted to RP this character...

D'anna has an ongoing quest where she is searching for her mother, separated from her when she was very young. To this end, D'anna uses her magic to travel from world to world, talking with slavers, traders, merchants, law enforcement and informants to try and find leads on her mom.

Oh god, she wants onto Kaerwyn, nevermind travelling from world to world breaks the Kaerwyn setting. How the hell is she supposed to find her fucking mom from world to world?!?

And this is where you come in, if you are willing and interested.

This is where I come in... where she does nothing but ... roleplay... and now I'm issued to ... work somehow...

You see, I would like D'anna to appear briefly in your 'world' that is, in one of your comic strips.

That my friends is pure, unmitigated ego right there.

I'm not looking for anything significant...a simple cameo, a single appearance in the background of one frame or scene would be enough.

Good to know that you think pestering me and adding your Mary Sue to my comic is "nothing significant."

If you are interested in more, then I'd be happy to grant you permission to use my character in your strips, and will gladly provide additional character information, but the basic request is for a single, small, recognizable image, somewhere. Of the strips that you have, The Realm Of Kaerwyn seems to be the most logical choice, but naturally, the decision is up to you.


I'm willing to discuss fair compensation for this, be it trade, payment, or another arrangement.

Okay so I read this and I was like, what kind of compensation could pay for this? $1000? Yeah. That'd get her off my back, and if she actually paid it, I'd happily draw the character. But I showed this to some of my ops and my husband and they read it as "She apparently thinks you owe her something else for putting her character in the comic." My cynical side kicked in and I started to read it in the same way.

All that I ask is that it clearly be recognizable as D'anna, and that you not portray her being killed, captured, or otherwise 'removed from play' in any fashion. She is a -very- capable mage in her own right, and always scans ahead before she travels, so she will never enter a world where it is not possible for her to use her magic. Also, those worlds where she may need to appear in disguise are not our concern, as it would not recognizably be her then, and that's why I'm contacting you.

I believe that your setting would permit D'anna to appear without causing too much disruption or fuss. Her appearance, though unusual, would not be cause for undue alarm, and she's always very careful to keep her magic hidden unless she knows for certain that it won't be a problem. Magic and it's use are outlawed on some worlds, as she has learned, so she always tries to keep as low a profile as she can. Of course, keeping a low profile is not always compatible with asking questions while searching for someone, so it is always possible for her to run afoul of law enforcement, local criminals or criminal organizations, or other problems. She might be seen talking with police, for example, answering their questions about why she's been seen asking so many questions. Or she might be chatting with a street vendor, a shopkeeper, a business owner, or virtually anyone. She is a very friendly, outgoing and gregarious person and will normally be seen with a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes, but the possibilities for the nature of her appearance in your strips are virtually unlimited, so I will leave that up to you.

So your all powerful, ugly ass twink character can't have anything happen to her that's normal for my comics. Right. Look, this violates Kaerwyn's setting, and there's no way any Raekartan would let something that fucking ugly breath their air. Let's get serious here. This character doesn't "logically" fit into anything I've got set up because she's an uberpowerful twink, no disadvantages, she's as shallow as they get despite your insistance otherwise. She can't find her fucking mommy even though she's a grown adult with uber powers that obviously spawned from nowhere so she could find Mommy.

Give me a fucking break. This character wouldn't get more than a glanceover in the public RP, there's no way in hell she's going into the comic. That's reserved for friends or when I need special fundraisers. If you think this character is inspiring, you've got another thing coming. If anything she's disenhartening.

(And now the lazy man's CS)
>Height: 5' 2"
>Weight: 110 lbs.
>Fur color: Black
>Eyes: Metallic silver irises (like mercury) with vertical pupils like a cat. Mary Sue Alert!
>Unusual biology: Two pairs of primary arms. Wings on her back with three extra digits added at the 'wrist' joint to form another pair of hands. Unusually long prehensile tail with three finger digits hidden in the fur at the tip. (A total of seven functional hands with nearly thirty fingers distributed among them) Prehensile feet. Extendable, flexible facial feelers capable of sensing infrared, radiation, chemicals, and magical and paranormal emissions. She must really like fingering people.
>Notable abilities: Archmage class magician capable of tapping and channeling power on a planetary scale. Permanently magically augmented strength, speed, endurance, reflexes, and senses. Winged and wingless flight power. You could reduce all that down to one word: Twink.
>Note: When D'anna channels power at Archmage levels, her appearance dramatically changes. That much power cannot be hidden, and is instantly obvious to anyone observing her. Additionally, she will trigger the senses of any magic-sensitive entity within tens and possibly hundreds of miles, depending on the environment. (If you are interested in having D'anna appear in your strip at her highest power level, then I can provide you with her description in that state.) In other words, she'd make my main character shift (Werefox with a magic trigger). Haha. No. You and how many other people have tried this crap with me?

To keep this message to a manageable length,
Little late there, lady...

I will hold off on providing you with any more character information unless you are interested in it. Probably should have held off to begin with.

If you do want to get into it, D'anna has a very interesting and rather significant background that could come back to haunt her.
What? She's not twinky /enough/. There's no way this character can be "interesting" and have a "significant background" that's not cliche and contrived what with all her super powers, and face feelers (The Fu Man Chu) and butt fingers.

She runs a business, and has several notable friends, contacts, and associates.
I think my brain just broke. /How the hell/ can she learn her twink powers, keep up with her magical abilities, search WORLD TO WORLD for her LONG LOST MOTHER, AAAANNNNNDDDDD find time to RUN A BUSINESS?!? Next thing you're going to tell me is that she's the President of the Fucking U.S. of A.

She's very much a public figure, and has a great deal of backstory, infrastructure, and supporting characters around her. In short, she is a very well-developed character with a great deal of potential.
Aaaaaahahahahaha! I'm sure some people feel the same way about DBZ. But right now this character comes across as Deep as Goku, and as interesting as the cheese she's made from.

But we need not get into any of that if you don't want to. The starting point is one, single, brief appearance. Anything more than that we can work out.
Work out? How about N-fucking-O.

So please get back in touch with me and let me know what you think,
Not sure if you can take that... But this is a public entry, so maybe you'll see it.

whether or not this is something that you would be willing to do,
Why in god's name would you think it is to begin with?

and the conditions.
The conditions are "No".

I'll provide you with any additional information that you want, including more images, history, text descriptions or whatever, and will answer any questions that you may have.

Thank you! Take care, and I'll speak with you later.
Very assuming. This one.

So folks, here's the thing. Someone makes a webcomic. If they /ask/ for cameos, feel free to submit your information to them. I know some people are cool with this and enjoy doing it. I've done it sometimes as well. But do not ever ask a comic artist to inject your character into their comic if they are not specifically asking for it. It is NOT cool. It is disruptive to the plot if anything. Writers and Artists usually have a pretty good idea of what's going on, sure they'll need background characters. Maybe a human ,or an anthro. But usually they don't want to be hassled in checking descriptions for bit parts because it "must be recognizably this character." This character is a FREAK, all I'd have to do is draw a finger monster, and it's recognizable as this character! And because it's a freak, it doesn't fit in /anywhere/ in /any of my comics/ including /Kaerwyn/ - Freak central.

I'm sure he/she meant nothing wrong by emailing me about this. But the whole tone of the letter rubs me the wrong way. The sheer confidence over such a Mary Sue twink really has me reeling. And finally, the last thing I Have to ask is "How the hell does this benefit me at all?" It doesn't, not one bit.

If anything, I would much rather make cameos of the characters of people that put their time and effort into Kaerwyn, either op or player. That's what I'd rather do, they'd probably deserve it, and I know they wouldn't hastle me about it if one finger was missing. But someone off the street that makes my egometer explode? No way, sorry, no. If you want to contribute to what we've got in the RP it might be different... but on that note, your character would /never/ get approved.

All for now.

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