Jakkal (jakkal) wrote,
Jakkal
jakkal

A gem on the WereList

I love it when the Trolls occassionally pop up and try to insult us. Here's a hint folks, if you want to bash things, you need to /know/ the subject manner. Because if you DON'T, then you become the fodder for our entertainment.

This is very very long, so I'm going to cut it (Twice actually).


First, the original, unaltered post:

Hi there. Philip here. You don't know me, but for the moment, I'm your best friend and voice of reason.

I'd like to apologize for things I've posted previously and the things I'm going to say. I don't mean to offend your logic, if you have any left, but perhaps I should send a message to all of you misguided teens and seriously unhealthy adults. (Note: This does not apply to you healthy adults.)

First off, I'd like thank you all. You've all taught me what to avoid and you've made me realize that I'm just really confused; that I will never know everything about myself or others until I die. Perhaps you will realize this in the future or perhaps you already have, and your still okay with deciding what you will be for the rest of your lives. Whatever works, okay?

Second. I have a deep care for all of you troubled teens who want to escape the reality of life (but not so much the adults). I've been in your position. I understand you. That's a new word for you, isn't it? Tsk, tsk. 'Tis truly sad, my friends.

Thirdly. I'm leaving his Fordliness (oh look! A book reference!) out of this. I never had a liking for bible-bashers, so I definitely don't want to become one.

Forthly: I'm not here to change your lives. I'm offering an alternative. Don't forget this.

Now, on! To the gooey center of the Twinkie!

A recent conversation I had with a dear friend:

Me: Therians! What the hell is there deal? I just don't get it! How can one actually BELIEVE they're an animal on the inside?
She: Because they can't accept responsibility for thier actions.
She: it's a cop out.
Me: "It'th jutht a mixth up in my reincarnation pattern!"
Me: F*** THAT!
Me: No. No. You're human. Both inside, and out. DEAL WITH IT. Use the toilet not the litter box! Walk upright! Clean yourself.

Okay. I've done the research. Don't deny it. I've heard the stories... "Walking as your thereotype...", "Becoming one with your thereotype...", "free-running", "Pee-Wee Herma-- You know, the works! Rubbish. Just, rubbish. Entirely pointless matters! If you really are a Therian, which is doubtable, you're missing the point by a long shot! That's not enforcing yourself! That's just self downgrading!

"Look at me! I can walk on all fours!"
"So? I can bloody stand on my hands, and you don't see me making a 'spiritual religion' out of that, do you?"

Spiritual rebellion. That's what this whole thing is... Just an ultimate way to rebel. You do a random search on the Internet looking for "werewolves and vampires" (because that seems to be 'the trend' these days) and, BAM! "Therianthropy: We now take applications!" This is just one big Internet trend you've fallen victim to. Define yourself. Don't let therianthropy (or anything else, for that matter) define you. You're not gonna find yourself on a website.

She: it's pretty much a matter of, "Hey, this looks oddly satisfying and creepy at the same time and I have nothing else to do..."
She: kinda like folks who've got a thing for pornoflicks...
She: I think they do it because "It defines me, it's unique, it's rebellious"...

Honestly? It's a good point. And it's a shame you won't be seeing this from my point of view...

Before I end this, I'd like to challenge, re-thank, and congratulate the lot of you. The congratulations should come first...

For those who are dedicated to this "religion" and forever will be: Congratulations. You have my respect. I admire an idiot who won't question the box outside of the box. A pure, undeniable passion for what they believe in and think nothing else matters because they've found all of the answers within this little word known as "Therian". I salute you.

The challenge: Prove. Me. Wrong. Seriously. I won't reply to this site, but I will reply to e-mails as long as they're not insulting. I want you to prove me wrong. In fact, I demand it. Give me cold hard facts, give me logic, give me reason. I don't care. CHANGE my opinion, because I am forever wrong.

Mrs. Jakkal: Thank you for the comic and reference to Second Life. You forever have my respect and my appreciation. And that's a cold, hard fact.

For those who'd like to take up on this little game of mine: My e-mail is blood_of_blacktears@yahoo.com.

Happy reading and best of luck and wishes.

~Philip

And, no. I don't expect this to be up for long nor do I wish to have an account here any longer.


My Reply (Which has most of his original post in it)

Hi there. Jakkal here. You don't know me, but for the moment, I'm going to make fun of you. I'm your best friend and voice of translation. But just note, we're not laughing /with/ you.

Hi there. Philip here. You don't know me, but for the moment, I'm your best friend and voice of reason.

Translation: Attention! Give me attention, dear god I need attention!!! Wait, that doesn't sound smart enough. Let me put on my business persona (We call this ceoanthropy).

I'd like to apologize for things I've posted previously and the things I'm going to say.

Translation: Tee hee hee, what a great opener. Those open minded idiots will believe anything so naturally they're going to believe the shit I try to shove down their throats, especially if I open with an insincere, sarcastic apology!

I don't mean to offend your logic,

Translation: I intend to offend MORE than just your logic. Pity I don't understand it. More the pity that I'm no good at it.

if you have any left

Translation: They will bow before my obviously scathing wit.

but perhaps I should send a message to all of you misguided teens and seriously unhealthy adults.

Translation: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

(Note: This does not apply to you healthy adults.)

Translation: If I say this, people won't accuse me of calling /everyone/ an unhealthy adult, and I'll have some wiggle room when they smite me with their "So called logic" that I just can't seem to figure out.

First off, I'd like thank you all.

Translation: This is going to be as sincere as my apology! No this won't be transparent at all!

You've made me realize that I'm just really confused

Translation: This much is true at least.

that I will never know everything about myself or others until I die.

Translation: Unfortunately I won't know when I die either, as I'll be a rotting, pustulant corpse with as much stink as I'm posting on this forum now.

Perhaps you will realize this in the future or perhaps you already have, and your still okay with deciding what you will be for the rest of your lives.

Translation: I'm jealous. I wish I could decide what I will be for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I'm stuck as an insecure, humorless, ignorant troll that thinks he's intelligent beyond words.

Whatever works, okay?

Translation: Pity me, Damnit!

Second. I have a deep care for all of you troubled teens who want to escape the reality of life (but not so much the adults).

Translation: I'm probably a pedophile.

I've been in your position.

Translation: Bend over, chilluns.

I understand you.

Translation: The soreness will go away soon.

That's a new word for you, isn't it?

Translation: I'm so funny and smart, I kill me. I hope they know which word I'm refering to, because I've spewed several without really saying anything.

Tsk, tsk.

Translation: See above.

'Tis truly sad, my friends.

Translation: Oh I've got them now! Let's see them shoot this down!

Thirdly. I'm leaving his Fordliness (oh look! A book reference!) out of this.

Translation: I'd rather push a Chevy than Drive a Ford.

I never had a liking for bible-bashers, so I definitely don't want to become one.

Translation: I will feel free to bash everyone else and their "So called" religions though!

Forthly: I'm not here to change your lives.

Translation: I'm here to irritate you, like a boil, or a hemorrhoid.

I'm offering an alternative.

Translation: I am? Where?

Don't forget this.

Translation: Because I apparently forgot.

Now, on!

This can't be translated, it's apparently gibberish.

To the gooey center of the Twinkie!

Translation: Scroll back up to the pedophile comments, my delicious little morsels of tender young flesh.

A recent conversation I had with a dear friend:

Translation: Certainly they will believe that I have a friend! They'll believe anything, right?

Me: Therians! What the hell is there deal? I just don't get it! How can one actually BELIEVE they're an animal on the inside?

Translation: Grammar! What the hell is it's deal? I just don't get it!

She: Because they can't accept responsibility for thier actions.

Translation: My imaginary friend is just as humorous and witty as I am! I just wish she knew what we were talking about too!

She: it's a cop out.

Translation: Cops! I hate cops! They're always arresting me for babbling incessently and talking about how I understand and want to cuddle vulnerable teenagers...

Me: "It'th jutht a mixth up in my reincarnation pattern!"

Translation: I'm so drunk it shows in my typing. Oh wait! That was my wit... yes... that's it. I was being witty!

Me: No. No. You're human. Both inside, and out. DEAL WITH IT. Use the toilet not the litter box! Walk upright! Clean yourself.

Translation: Please! Do all these things I cannot!

Okay. I've done the research.

Translation: Because if I /say/ I did the research, they will just believe me!

Don't deny it.

Translation: Seriously, don't. I couldn't defend myself with this strange "logic" or "critical thinking" that you people talk about all the time.

I've heard the stories...

Translation: I read Black Tapestries! I know everything about Therianthropy from a fictional character named Lorelei!

"Walking as your thereotype..."

Translation: I made that one up, lol!

"Becoming one with your thereotype..."

Translation: Should I say that? It sounds rather contradictory to what therianthropy really is... oh wait, I don't understand Therianthropy at all, silly Jakkal for trying to put thoughts into my head!

"free-running"

Translation: Because no human runs around just because it's fun, nope, never. Not me at least, I can't pry myself off this seat I've parked myself in.

"Pee-Wee Herma--

Translation: Oh wait, no, sorry, that's mine.

You know, the works!

Translation: And yeah! All that other stuff I made up that you should already know because I'm awesome, and I radiate awesomeness upon you.

Rubbish. Just, rubbish. Entirely pointless matters!

Translation: Really, I'm talking about myself here. But they'll think I'm talking about them! Teehee, I'm so clever.

If you really are a Therian, which is doubtable, you're missing the point by a long shot!

Translation: Because I missed the point by a longshot, and if *I* miss the point, no one else could POSSIBLY get it.

That's not enforcing yourself! That's just self downgrading!

Translation: Because I don't like you Therians and your... thought. So if you're not like me, you suck! There! I said it! You suck!

"Look at me! I can walk on all fours!"

Translation: Oh yeah? Well I can walk to the kitchen and get a donut! That's all I want in life! You should want that too!

"So? I can bloody stand on my hands, and you don't see me making a 'spiritual religion' out of that, do you?"

Translation: I... I wish I could...

Spiritual rebellion.

Translation: I'm talking about myself.

That's what this whole thing is...

Translation: This whole post, I mean.

Just an ultimate way to rebel.

Translation: See above. I'm doing a superawesome job of saying the same thing over and over again without really making a point at all!

rebellion. That's what this whole thing is... Just an ultimate way to rebel. You do a random search on the Internet looking for "werewolves and vampires"

Translation: Afterall, that's what /I/ did.

"Therianthropy: We now take applications!"

Translation: But you don't! And that pisses me off that you won't let me in your little house of cards! Well I blow on it, I blow hard! Just Ask the teenagers...

This is just one big Internet trend you've fallen victim to.

Translation: Unfortunately, this dress makes my ego look fat, and reveals my pigheadedness. .. Eureka! I'm a Pig Therian!

Don't let therianthropy (or anything else, for that matter) define you.

Translation: Use Thesaurus.com! That's what I use to pretend I'm astute, canny, clever, discerning, discriminating, incisive, ingenious, insightful, intense, intuitive, judicious, keen, observant, penetrating, perspicacious, piercing, quick-witted, sensitive, sharp, smart, subtle!

You're not gonna find yourself on a website.

Translation: But on Thesaurus.com, you can find the words!

She: it's pretty much a matter of, "Hey, this looks oddly satisfying and creepy at the same time and I have nothing else to do..."

Translation: Shit, that imaginary friend came back and won't shut up. I know she's talking about her existance and relationship to me. Maybe I can twist it to make them think I'm talking about therianthropy. Ah, good, that'll make me look sane... other than I'm flaming a forum for no reason... Or maybe that just shows my mental age.

She: kinda like folks who've got a thing for pornoflicks...

Translation: Or teenagers...

She: I think they do it because "It defines me, it's unique, it's rebellious"...

Translation: Just like this post! Oh wait...

Honestly? It's a good point. And it's a shame you won't be seeing this from my point of view...

Translation: Because I'm not writing this, I am the avatar of black demon wolf blood moon +5 Dex +5 Str +32AC. She's writing this. Yeah. She's the .. uhm.. friend.

Before I end this

Translation: Because I'm running out of liquid awesome to sustain me.

I'd like to challenge, re-thank, and congratulate the lot of you.

Translation: Clever +100 Awesome Points.

The congratulations should come first...

Translation: It's like the oscars where the performers give their little speeches after winning! And I'm a winner! ... Right?

For those who are dedicated to this "religion"

Translation: Psst.. Imaginary friend... It's a religion, right? I just want to make sure before I call it this and make a fool out of myself...

Congratulations. You have my respect.

Translation: I love my own wit, so much so that I keep repeating this trite, transparent, unentertaining, humorless dreck over and over.

I admire an idiot

Translation: I admire myself!

who won't question the box outside of the box.

Translation: What the hell was I trying to say?

A pure, undeniable passion for what they believe in and think nothing else matters because they've found all of the answers within this little word known as "Therian".

Translation: I'm so awesome that I just made the longest fragment ever.

I salute you.

Translation: But I'm saluting me behind your backs!

The challenge: Prove. Me. Wrong.

Translation: Hopefully they won't actually read this as.. I have proven myself wrong on every point in this post. Oh wait, I don't really know that. I'm still deaf from my awesomeness.

I won't reply to this site, but I will reply to e-mails as long as they're not insulting.

Translation: Do as I say! Not as I do!

I want you to prove me wrong.

Translation: Just go again and send my post back to me. That should do the trick.

In fact, I demand it. Give me cold hard facts, give me logic, give me reason. I don't care. CHANGE my opinion, because I am forever wrong.

Translation: Because they say admitting you have a problem is the first step to beating it!

Mrs. Jakkal: Thank you for the comic and reference to Second Life. You forever have my respect and my appreciation. And that's a cold, hard fact.

Translation: Oh shit, she's a mod here? Oh god, I don't want to get on her bad side! *fanboiness kicks in*

Jakkal's Commentary: AAAAAAAAAaaaaahahahahahahaha!

... I couldn't resist.
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