Jakkal (jakkal) wrote,
Jakkal
jakkal

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Wow a Real Update

Man I've been in a mood all damn day. Dunno what my problem is, ... not the rag. Eh, Well in other news, I think I've figured out what makes me such a shitty friend. For the past few months, my tolerance level has slowly been dropping, to the point now that there's nothing left. Everything sets me off now-a-days, and when I talk to my friends, I just grin and bare it cuz I don't want to blow up at them. And if you're reading this, I'm not talking about anyone in particular, so please don't worry about it all personal like. And please for the love of god, don't apologize to me "just incase" and don't tell me you'll try not to. I recognize that it's not /your/ fault, it's my problem. I just can't take it when someone whines to me, or tells me how much their life sucks. Bitching at me, odd that I can handle it just fine. But whining is just.. grating on my nerves something fierce.

Now I realize everyone should have their whining moments, I do believe I'm having one right now. But /so/ very many people come to me as their "shoulder to cry on" and I just can't take it anymore. Am I sucking in your unwanted emotion? I don't know, I hope that's not the case, I don't need anything extra on me right now. But like I said, this is a slow progression for me, and it's finally gotten to the point that I realize it, I know what it is and where it's coming from. I don't want you guys to change anything for me... once again, it's /not/ yall's fault.

Lately I've been uber-bitchy, any little thing sets me off royally. Well except for the things that would make most people pissy. The fact that lots of people hate me doesn't sway me in the least. That people bitch about me behind my back, annoying yes, but I don't really care beyond that. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me.

I think my biggest problem is that I hide my emotions. I've been pretty depressed the past few months. Have you noticed? I dunno. I hide in my own little shell like typical cancerians do, pretending that everything is "okay." But really there's nothing wrong. Maybe I just need to get out more, and do something. Thank god BT is there for me, something concrete I grab onto and say "This is mine and no one can take it away from me." Even though people in the past have tried... bastards, MY comic, NOT yours.

Anyway, going back to hiding my emotions, I've been working on this pic for the past few hours, til my hands started cramping up: http://www.drakkolupen.com/stuff/drakkolupenIP.jpg . Lemme know what you think. I really don't like the wings on it... they look like crap. The back legs are kind funky too. At this point I don't care, I'm hoping the coloring will make up for the personal "Jakkal" faults on it. Afterall it's our faults that make a work truely "ours".

I think I'll shut up now before I say something I regret.
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