Jakkal (jakkal) wrote,
Jakkal
jakkal

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Nevermore

For the past couple of weeks, I've been attempting to meditate, you know the whole soul searching dealie. The discussions on Crossroads's #therianthropy has lead me to want to seek out my spirit guide. However, anyone that knows me, knows that meditation is a struggle and a process for me. Nothing gets done in a single night, and I don't have the time I'd like to really dedicate myself to the cause.

I did meditate a couple of weeks ago, and saw an interesting scene. I don't know what it means, I haven't put much thought into it. I saw silhouettes, and only silhouettes. Originally I saw a bird's head pop up, a raven. Then it flew off and the entire scene was nothing but thousands of ravens flying off. When they started to clear out, I saw the silhouette of some kind of small animal playfully bounding after them. I believe it was either a fox or a cat, but again I couldn't make it out. The way it was running, I would say fox, but again, I couldn't make out any details. It was running towards me, so I couldn't see the obvious determining factor -> a muzzle.

Well anyway, ever since I saw that, I had trepidation towards any more seeking of the guide. Raven scares me. And right now I don't think I need Raven in my life. Although, one could say with my recent events that it's already very much there. From what I know of Raven, and I could be wrong, that it is like Coyote without conscience. Raven is a teacher through smackdown. But the Raven was also a keeper of a greater wisdom and power. I wonder if the fear of Raven is just a misunderstanding of this wisdom, and power. But I guess that fits. If I do have Raven watching over me, it probably means I need to learn something the hard way, and fast. Feel free to quell my fears and tell me I'm wrong, or working off stereotypes.

So anyway, last night I had a series of very odd dreams. Could be because I'm no longer on my abscess medication (Thank god). In the dream, I was again looking for some kind of information or enlightenment. I don't recall what exactly or specifically. But I changed into a raven, the kind with the white chest. In the dream, Bow and Uath thought it was funny, that I screwed up somehow, or that Raven was punishing me. I told Bow to take a picture anyway, while I held "the" raven (or a representation) of raven in a headlock, somehow, with my wings. I guess that was quite comical. Bow didn't want to take the picture yet, he said he wanted to go towards the ocean first. When we got to a pier overlooking the ocean, I was human again. I told him he should have taken the pic already, but at that point he was gone. I was kind of upset, cuz the bragging rights woulda be so cool, even if I became something I'm not, theriotypically (ha, I used the new word, go me). So I'm staring at the sunset over the ocean, and I get this wave of calm over me. That there was something I needed to know, learn, and do. In the dream, I knew what that lesson was. Now, I cannot remember. I don't believe it has anything to do with my wereside, or trying to p-shift, or anything like that. I think the dream was spawned by my fear of Raven, or Raven has made a cameo. I think either way, it was trying to calm me down, and not fear it.

One of the odd things about this dream is that I actually saw myself as a raven. In most of my dreamshifts, I still appear, to myself, to be human. But everyone else sees me as an animal. And I move as that animal (like on all fours as a wolf).

I think it's time I set aside more time for meditation.
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